High-performing leaders often tell me, “𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘦. 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦.”
A powerful intention - and also a dangerous one.
Because there is a fine, nearly invisible line between 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 and 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟.
Between meaningful contribution and slowly draining your own reserves.
Between giving something real and inflating your relevance through over-giving.
These questions don’t just confront the leaders I work with - they confront me as well.
The real inquiry is not how much we give, but where our giving originates: is it fueled…
… by clarity - or by the hunger to matter?
… by purpose - or by the ego’s subtle need for significance?
… by genuine care - or by performance?
𝐍𝐞𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 gives us a brutal reminder:
When we give from chronic stress or depletion, our prefrontal cortex - the center of empathy, creativity, and perspective - shuts down.
Meaning: the more exhausted we are, the less generous we actually become.
𝐌𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 traditions say the same thing differently:
When we give from the contracted self, giving becomes entangled with identity.
But when we touch even briefly the space of non-self - the ground beyond our personal storyline - giving becomes cleaner, quieter, and far less self-inflating.
Most people don’t give from that deeper source.
Most of us oscillate between genuine care and subtle ego-needs.
And that’s human.
But the more we recognize that there is a source beyond the habitual self - a deeper field we can cultivate through awareness, inner work, and embodied presence - the more our giving shifts:
- from performance to authenticity
- from exhaustion to sustainability
- from ego-noise to real impact
People feel that difference.
Even those who cannot articulate it.
They feel when something is offered from depth rather than depletion.
If we truly want to make a difference, we must do both:
- 𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞, so we don’t give from exhaustion.
- 𝐂𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, so our giving becomes cleaner and less entangled with relevance.
That is the real leadership work.
For the people I support - and for myself, continuously.
PS: The picture shows me last Friday night on a flight from Warsaw to Frankfurt after a week of giving a lot. And just like in this post, I have to watch all of this in myself too.