This picture says more about my current reality than any performance metric ever could.
Me. Almost 60. Asleep in a chair.
Two cats simply settling in because this moment feels warm, safe, and still.
And me justโฆ tired.
I work with high performers. I live that world too.
And yes: pushing limits matters. Stress is not the enemy. Growth requires friction. Expanding capacity is part of the path.
But only if the system can recover.
At the turn of the year, I took a real break.
I did the right things. I felt strong. Clear. Fully charged.
Then influenza hit - properly.
I recovered relatively quickly, at least on the surface. I was back on the road, working with clients, running sessions, delivering projects. From the outside: fully operational.
And yet - in between - there was this persistent, undeniable fatigue.
Not dramatic. Not visible in performance.
But present.
Scientifically, this is not surprising.
The human system is cyclical, not linear. The autonomic nervous system depends on oscillation between activation and recovery. If activation dominates for too long, the system compensates - cortisol remains elevated, immune function drops, cognitive clarity narrows.
You can override this for a while.
But you cannot out-negotiate biology.
What makes this hard lies deeper.
Each of us operates with a set of implicit assumptions about how the world works - highly individual, mostly unconscious. And they run the show.
Not as โbeliefs,โ but as felt realities.
Because if they were violated, it would not just be uncomfortable - it would feel existentially threatening.
Three I often encounter in my clients:
- ๐๐ง ๐ ๐ด๐ต๐ฐ๐ฑ, ๐ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ณ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ท๐ข๐ฏ๐ต.
- ๐๐ง ๐ ๐ฅ๐ฐ ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ๐จ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ, ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ๐ด ๐ง๐ข๐ญ๐ญ ๐ข๐ฑ๐ข๐ณ๐ต.
- ๐๐ง ๐ ๐ข๐ฎ ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฌ, ๐ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ต๐ณ๐ฐ๐ญ - ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฏ๐ด ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ด๐ด: ๐ด๐ต๐ข๐ต๐ถ๐ด, ๐ช๐ฏ๐ง๐ญ๐ถ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ค๐ฆ, ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐จ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ.
So fatigue is not just fatigue.
It challenges identity.
And then there is aging.
Quietly, steadily, the equation changes. Recovery takes longer. Energy is less constant.
But internally, we often still relate to ourselves as if we were 35.
So we push - sometimes beyond the point where pushing creates growth.
Self-compassion, in this context, is not softness.
It is the ability to read the system you are operating in - your body, your mind - without distortion. To know when stress is useful, and when it becomes counterproductive.
When I look at this picture, I do not see a problem to fix.
I see a moment where the body simply refused further negotiation.
And maybe thatโs the real work:
Not to push less.
But to know when pushing stops making sense.
Because sustainable performance is not built on constant intensity.
It is built on the capacity to cycle -
even when a part of you would rather not.